I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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