if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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