did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
