I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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