I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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