why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
