final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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