yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
