he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize