i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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