Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
