Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
