my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
