I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
