You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
