i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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