hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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