I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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