Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
