paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
