So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
