Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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