Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
