You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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