Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
