That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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