My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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