i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
