K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize