Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
