I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
