Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
