My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
