Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
