before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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