Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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