its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
