He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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