So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
