Don't you send me to vm
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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