I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Randomize
