hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My liver just had a heart attack.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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