do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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