What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
