Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
