Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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