I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
