It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
