tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
