So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize