I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize