Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
