umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
