I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
