You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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