he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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