the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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