I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
