And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
