my phone needs a breathalizer
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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