I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was CRYING into my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
