i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
