new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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