This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize