p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
