dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
