Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
