listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
