I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm like, not good at living.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
