worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
